he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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