My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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