Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
