I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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