That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
