I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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