trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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