Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
