What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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