That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
