I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I puked a lego.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
