remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
