That's when you crack a 10am beer
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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