Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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