I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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