Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
