Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
