i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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