My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
