Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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