Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
where am i from again
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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