He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
