"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
