Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
