community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
