I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
