White coat. Heels.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
