dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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