I haven't been this sober since birth.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
