You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
