Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
