if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
