I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
