I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
