he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
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Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
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he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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