Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
