thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
