I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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