i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just puked most of my soul out..
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