You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
