HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize