Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
