Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
