after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
sarcasm needs its own font
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
