so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
