The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
