i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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