How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
