P.S. I can't hear my feet
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i think im in europe. pls send help
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
