Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
