There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
