It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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