Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
