I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
