Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
