she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
