there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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