Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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