New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
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The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
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He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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