i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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