I can text with my tongue
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
