After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
