tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
