Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
