Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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