About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
