Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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