He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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