OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Terrible idea I love it
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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