Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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