i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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