Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
