you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
