Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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