The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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