I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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