can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Hippo gnu deer
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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