if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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