The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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