Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
