fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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