It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
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I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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