so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
