if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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