if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
