she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize