I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
