I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
