just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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