He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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