the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
