Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
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