The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
