I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
